Graphic designer and a video editor. I work at home, so it's quiet and lonely. I want my life to be seasoned with the best spices in the world. My fanny is literally complaining for my lack of getting off with a fit bloke.

I am the type of lady that you will not get with sweet words. I don't know if there's something wrong with me, but I hate it when men try to flirt with me using corny jokes or thoughtful words. I want to be teased hard. Tell me what you will do when ...

Pasta vs. Pizza? I love them both, but I'd choose pasta. I like how smooth the pasta's texture is. It's like the texture of a penis, just a little bit softer. But when a penis is full of cum, it's as smooth as the pasta or the condensed milk.

Wearing skin-tight dresses and high heels give me the confidence boost I need to try and pull blokes at the pub. I put in a lot of effort into how I look so if I see a gent who's interested then I make my move. It's a new age, ladies can make the fir...

What's romantic to me is dancing outside when there are tiny drizzles falling from the lovely sky. I'm not that kind of lass you have to take to fancy restaurants. I'm content having and experiencing simple yet wonderful things.

Turning my long list of fantasies into reality has taken me years and years but I am slowly ticking each one off. Would anyone fancy to help an old lady out? I promise to make sure to reward you handsomely.